KURVY Etiquette by Brei.

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by Breian S. Brockington

Leaves are falling, the climate is shifting and the days seem shorter. With cooler months ahead we will all be spending more time in doors. Some of us will be cuddling up on the couch with the one's we love, gift wrapping for the cute kiddies in our lives or making rounds visiting family before the new year. But how will you keep you life balanced during the new year transition? Lately my focus has been on embracing my center. I've been working hard to remain balanced and in line with my God and the plans, life and experiences that are set up for me. No this post isn't about fashion but life is beautiful and when you begin to design the life that is before you it shows up in the most amazing ways.

Journey to Alignment

Find a space (whether home or not) that is conducive to open and clean thoughts. If your space is in your home make it suitable to your liking. Lite candles, set out subtle clean fragrances that are calming and make sure that your thinking space is clean. If you've chosen a different location outside of the home, make sure it is quiet and clean.
Have a notebook and pencil available. In this space you should feel open enough to share intimate feelings about yourself. Be open for whatever may be revealed to you. In this space you should feel embraced by your own presence and the energy be ushered in.
Speak your truth and speak your future aloud. This is one of the key factors that will usher in your alignment. Speaking your wish over you life aloud is an energy that is beyond powerful. Feel the lightness of the room when you speak of your future with joy.
When beginning to align, you will find yourself waking up around 3 and 4 AM. (I've found this to be true for others also). Do not go back to sleep! Use this time to "connect". I've found that some of my best prayers, chants, writings, and conversations happen during this time.
Most importantly, be sure to make room for your health. Weather it's walking, taking up a class, joining a gym or the occasional living room private dance (I know I'm not the only one). Do something for your health. Small changes in diet can also make a major impact on achieving alignment. The discipline needed in this area will teach many lessons that will branch into other areas.
Lastly, trust the process.

This list is not concrete and I'm sure some of you have other rituals that you use to align. As they say "There's more than one way to skin a cat" and there are several journeys to alignment. Search and choose the best that suits you. Learning who you want to be is just as beautiful as actually being who you envision.

Everyone wants to be beautiful. Almost all of us want to be acknowledged for our beauty. But how many of us truly believe in our beauty? This past weekend I was given the opportunity to speak to a group of women about the body. And the message was well received. The Women's ages ranged from the mid 30's to 70+. It was such an honor to have my message resonate with a mature crowd. I wanted to say that I was unaware of our older generations struggle with self and body acceptance. However, from several talks with my Nana it all makes sense. She often speaks about how she was treated differently due to her skin color. And this miss treatment stemmed from family members. I can only imagine what it's like to be told to your face on a daily basis that you're not beautiful. That type of abuse doesn't heal overnight. The scars don't fade with the use of a cream. That type of damage is what I like to call "The silent esteem killer". Psychological abuse has its way of eating your confidence, tearing apart dreams, and creating new generations that will repeat the cycle.

What society feeds us as beauty but we shouldn't deny her beauty. However, most of us do not reflect this image.

The gist of my seminar touched on "The pieces of me". I shared a story about the day I realized I was fat. I know that sounds weird but it actually happened. It was later in life at a time when I "should" have been mulling over my appearance. During those years I was so into the whole of me that I couldn't fathom concentrating on the pieces of me. According to society I should have been more concerned with my chunky thighs, or the state of my chubby stomach. But you know what? I wasn't. Those were the last things on my mind. In no way was I going to let a little fat stop me from loving me. I was so oblivious to my fat that it really didn't exist. I say of this to remind women that there is a whole you connected to those pieces. Those pieces that you're so afraid to accept are waiting to become apart of the whole. They too should be recognized for their beauty. Pronounced freckles are facial accessories. Skinny ankles shouldn't be a reason to cover those beautiful legs. A flat chest means you probably sleep a little better. Am I always this optimistic? Absolutely and no at the same time. I understood at an early age it's all about perception and that has to be learned. Who are you not to acknowledge the beauty that was bestowed upon you? Now, I completely understand the need and want to change somethings. None of us is perfect, including my self. We all have things we'd like to change or improve about ourselves. However, this is about loving the skin you're in at this present moment.

Miss, Christina and Myself

Women we have to learn our value outside of the mirror. We need to begin focusing on the whole self and not just pieces of ourselves. Because of esteem killers; social media, magazines, television/movies we've lost sight of how we naturally look. We've developed a culture of photo shop and filters so that we fall in love with the false perceptions of beauty. Those outlets will have you believe that your image is not worthy of being praised as beautiful. Everyday that I log into my numerous social media accounts I'm reminded that I need to bind my tummy, join a 10 pounds down challenge, care that my hair isn't long, and even lighten my skin complexion. When is social media going to tell me I'm pretty? When are they going to let up on the whitening of America? When will I be enough as I am? Never, not until we demand it. Not until we understand that the media only pushes out what they know we'll buy. They understand how self hating we are. There is an understanding that women feel the need to always improve what was already perfect. Let's practice falling in love with the real images in the bathroom mirror. Maybe the media bandwagon will catch on. Just maybe.

Conference Coordinator, Mrs. Pamela Hill

Ladies, how do you define your self? Is the whole you included? Or do you pick yourself apart and only acknowledge the "good parts"? The time is well overdue for us to begin loving the whole self. It's time to start digging deep and understanding the true reasons as to why you feel a particular way about yourself. Of course I wouldn't ask anything of you that I too am not willing to do or haven't done myself. I've been encouraging this practice since my sophomore year in college and I'll continue until my last breath has parted my lips. Yes, self worth and positive body awareness is that important to me.

It was never my intention to be a plus size advocate. Yes, I believe women who have a little more "love" are beautiful. And no, there is nothing wrong with women who don't possess as much "love" as others. My belief is this; there is beauty in all of us, be it physical or spiritual. However, some of us like to enhance our attributes and that isn't always a small feat. Enhancements can become quite a tedious and an arduous task. Now it is not my opinion that you walk out the door daily with a full face of contoured makeup. Although it is my opinion, that you should look your best at all times. Today there are thousands of companies that spend countless hours in think-tanks conspiring on ways to make women feel more beautiful. Do they sometimes play on our insecurities? Absolutely, but that's another post for another day. Hair care, apparel, footwear and esthetics are all apart of keeping up your overall appearance.

Ladies, I can't stress how important it is to take care of yourselves. It is of the utmost importance that we keep ourselves groomed and well-kept. In a world where we are judged on how we present ourselves your up keep its essential to your success, finding a mate, and as a representation of how you see yourself. Please don't mistake this a call for you to act and dress like a lady. By no means am I her. In my book if you have a vagina then you're a lady. But let's keep ourselves presentable. Too often I walk into the mall or my local supermarket and see beautiful women decked out in too tight jeans, dirty doo-rags, holey shirts or dirty flip flops. Let's have more respect for ourselves. It only takes five minutes to pull together a simple frill-less ensemble. There is no need for my eyes to be assaulted with your crack speaking through the top of your too small sweat pants.

Yes, everyone has experienced a f*@k my life moment when it comes to getting dressed. As +DrakeVEVO would say "I get it, I get it". However, this is not an excuse to look the way you feel. Sometimes you have to fake it to make it. I'm sure you've heard that before. No one is saying you need to walk out of the house looking like a glamazon but there are ways to still look presentable.

Unlike me many women are die hard sweats and t shirt wearers. During my early college days this was also true for me. I choose to opt out of "that life". By no means does that mean they can't look good.

Make sure your sweats fit your entire behind. This is essential to looking put-together.
Your top should be a t-shirt, crop top, sweater, off the shoulder. No holes accepted.
Hair is essential. During these low maintenance times who wants to fuss about hair? This is not an invitation to throw on your grandmother's church wig. Low or high messy buns are cute and girly, silk scarves will definitely do the trick when paired with a pair of cute glasses or shades. I like to call this look the "celeb chill look". Trust, I've achieved this look multiple times. .

The working woman. You're up bright and early Monday through Friday. By 7:30 your make up, hair, and ensemble are put together and you're out the door. But today you're just not feeling it. When I say I know this feeling, trust me. I earn my coins by educating others and when spring time hits this is my everyday. Who wants to be in a drab classroom when sun is out? I digress, here are a few go to tips:

Always have a pair of brown black our grey slacks on standby. Skirts could do the trick as well but for me, on my down days. I ain't wearing no skirt! ( Bad grammar and all)
Pair them with a low maintenance sweater or top that does not need ironing.
Slide into a comfy pair of loafers and hit the bathroom to prepare your 5 min face job.
Concealer, shadow, blush, and lip. And guess what your almost done. Comb the hair out. Buns are best for days like this. Natural ladies ; spritz the hair with some water and throw a black elastic band around it. You're now ready to walk out the door. This whole process can be achieved in under 30 minutes.

I could go on with this post but for some strange reason I think you catch my drift. Even if you're dog tired and only running up to the corner store, looking your best is still an option. I'll leave you with this tidbit of advice. Just because it's tight doesn't make it right.

At the age of 30, I think I can honestly say I'm pretty liberal with my thoughts, style, and assortment of activities and friends that i have.

Because I'm a stylist I'm always taking inventory of the outfits that i create. Many of my clients prefer to remain some what conservative. This is understandable because many of my clients now are working professionals and their environment doesn't cause for them to be too risky with their ensemble choice. However, i wonder how much of society's pressures have made women feel the need to present themselves a certain way because of the potential back lash. I thought about how this plays into my own life. By day I'm an educator who while stylish in the classroom i keep it pretty mild. Yes i have days where a pop of color or an a exposed key hole or a shorter length skirt may turn a head. And sometimes this carries into my weekend and styling. Yes, I'm versatile in my styling but it's only natural that our daily lives are reflected in our dress.
So this past weekend I decided to call upon my "girls". After attending an awesome wedding in west Palm beach Florida, i was definitely feeling some kind of way. Was it all the happiness, love, excitement, sexiness or quite possibly the uncountable glasses of Merlot. I that i needed to try something new. Be a little risky. Step outside my own box, because sometimes it isn't others who box us in, but our selves.

Now I'm not saying that taking risk in fashion is about showing skin nor is it all about being super sexy. But it is about embracing something that normally wouldn't be worn by you. Daily we deal with the pressures to look a certain way in order to maintain our life style. Due to treat of others and their reaction. But i say it's time to let their voices fall by the way side. Time to listen to self a little more. Maybe you only wear black because people say it's slimming, continue to wear the same hair style Due to complacency or excluding certain styles and dress cuts because some one else prefers it on you.

My personal box has been sex appeal. I love dressing, hell I'm doing it for a living now. Although may don a low cut shirt or somewhat skirt i tend to keep it pretty safe. This past weekend i decided let go of the out side voices and i even quieted my own. Slipped on a cute bra from lane Bryant, a cute black and white skirt paired with a matching fedora. And enjoyed every minute of my life out side of that box i put myself in.